Like I said in my last update, I don't really have a reason to complain, it's not like she's leading me on in any way or anything. It's just that I have such strong feelings for the girl, and I didn't even know it was possible for me to feel like this about somebody. Yesterday, I woke up upset because I had a dream about her, it wasn't much, we kissed, not much more than that, but in my mind...in my heart...I want it so badly, and if that happened, I'm not sure what I would do. I at one point was asking her to do something, because well, I wanted it, but I'm glad that she didn't do it, and I completely respect her for that, it's not like I would have thoought less of her if she had, but, I'm glad she didn't, It would have probably made me cry.

The best and unfortunately the worst part of everyday for me is thinking about her. Although when I talk to her, it's the best part of the week for me. Is it bad that I look forward to me leaving her house after I talk to her because I get to hold her in m arms again, and every single fucking time that happens.......I think about kissing her, but I know she doesn't want that, so I will never do it, until she does I would never do something like that, it's just too bad that she will never want that.

I try to come up with a reason to go talk to her, to hang out, when the only reason I should need is that were friends, and thats what friends do.

I know that I should just move on with that part of my life, I don't mean not being friends with her, friendship will always be there. I mean romantically or whatever, but I can't seem to get over her.

FUCK!!!!!

It's been over a year since I've wrote in here, as you can see, I'm still alive. I was never actually planning to do it, bridget was right about that, but it's not like I didn't and somewhat still don't want to go through with that. I don't even know what bridget was saying I copied from her still, I have no clue what she's talking about, and she doesn't even have the same xanga name, so she will not see this. Then again I don't think aboybody will. Only a couple people know who I am, and why would they check this to see if I've written anything in it? That being said, I'm going to use this to complain, if someone see's it, well then, I don't really care.

Lately I've been getting upset worse, a big reason is because I like a girl, who doesn't have the same feelings for me, I knew that, I know that, and I do not expect it to change. I would like things to change, but they're not going to. I've had feelings for this girl since the first time I saw her, I know it doesn't make sense, but thats proven, or just has a big coinsidence, since I still have feelings for her.

I've written songs I didn't show anybody, I've written letters I didn't show anybody, I knew I wasn't going to show them to anybody at time of writing, I guess I just wanted to get off of ny chest, even if it's just on paper, not to be seen by anybody. Thats the only thing I can come up with.

That'll be it for now, more bitching will come in the near future. If anybody does read this, feel free to leave a comment.

If somebody cared about me, I would have some friends instead of having to latch on to people that doesn't know me, and wouldn't look twice if I was seen cutting my fuckling wrist on the side of the motherfuckling highway.

Well nobody will have to deal with me after today, I am gonna go home, brush my teeth, clean my room, then hang myself from the ceiling fan in my living room.